Love Maze: BTS Modeling Compersion and What It Can Teach Us
BTS gives us an opportunity to examine relationships not only through their music but in the ways they interact with each other and with ARMY. When I first was diving deep into BTS, I watched In The Soop and was enamored by the ways they showed love to each other. Many of what I would call radical and queer skills that I use to move through the world, I could see modeled by them. I get inspired by their capacity to model these skills that it pushes me to be a better person, something I know other ARMY relate to. My hope is that by naming some of these skills and examples when they model them, we can understand and practice them better, not just in our own lives, but also how we interact as fans with BTS.
One of the key concepts or skills that permeates BTS’ dynamic with each other is compersion. Compersion is a relatively new name for a feeling, practice, or behavior that I would like to think has existed for much longer. From Dr. Marie Thouin: Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the empathic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly.
Compersion is a term and concept that has been used specifically in polyamours relationships when a person sees their partner experiencing joy from being in a relationship with someone. Even though it has traditionally been used in polyamours relationships, it is something that can be practiced by anyone. Ultimately, compersion is rooted in pleasure and is a shared experience that respects autonomy.
I wanted to examine how Jin’s modeling of joy, spreading joy, and finding joy in others is practicing compersion. As he is set to be away for two years, I wanted to find ways to feel joy in moments when things might feel a bit sad or gloomy and find new ways to look at the abundant content they have. I hope that you too can learn something new and also feel some good things from what Jin has shared with us so far.
Jin in Hawaii talking to Namjoon about making others happy.
ARMY are so familiar with the Jin and Joon talk in Hawaii, with it being cited as a reason for Jin being a jokester, and inspiring the Love Yourself concept. In my opinion, this is one of the earliest examples of Jin tapping into compersion. While traditionally compersion is often the result of a bystander, Jin models compersion by sharing his practice of finding happiness by witnessing and encouraging others’ happiness. Jin has been open about how he experiences sadness, and in this clip he tells us how he is able to derive joy from others experiencing joy, showing how compersion can be beneficial for everyone involved. In a way, he didn’t prioritize his happiness but he was able to be happy by finding a way to bring joy to others, thus making himself happy as well. In the parasocial relationship between ARMY and BTS, there are many examples like this where we can derive joy for each other, and be better for it.
Bangtan carrying Jin / walking with Jin to receive his award.
Recently, when he won an award, the rest of the group was certainly proud, but also expressed joy at his win. So much so that they carried him to the microphone. While this was an award for Jin, all the members expressed joy at this moment. I would say that if the members felt joy at Jin being recognized and that this was his moment of happiness, then that is compersion too. BTS members among themselves consistently model compersion because they encourage and appreciate happiness among each other and many times with each other. How many examples can we think of where one member comments how another member loves a third member more than any of the others? (Namjoon says this about Jimin having Hobi as his number 1 for example.) It doesn’t come from a place of jealousy either, it comes from a matter of fact place of love. They are able to practice happiness at their relationships with each other and it makes them stronger.
The Astronaut expressing happiness through the experience of interacting with the little girl. He celebrates her success as she rides the bike without him.
When I first watched the video of The Astronaut, I was so struck in particular by the moment when Jin finally expresses emotions. Throughout the video, the little girl is playful and includes him, but he doesn’t exactly know how to interact. He finally expressed emotion (he felt something!) when the girl rides the bike on her own. He participated in helping her get there. But his happiness came as a result of her succeeding at something. It was such a beautiful way to illustrate compersion. Compersion made the alien, human.
So, compersion, as modeled by BTS is often “You experiencing love/joy/happiness makes me also experience love/joy/happiness”. It is beyond empathy in that it emphasizes the autonomy of each person and recognizes that you potentially don’t have anything to do with that happiness, but you can still celebrate it.
How can we tap into compersion as a way to respect the autonomy of BTS?
What are other examples of compersion you can think of? I believe compersion is a skill/muscle/emotion we should practice more particularly because of Chapter 2 so far being one where each member is asserting their individuality and autonomy and asking us to be a part of it with them. Change can be very hard, and while each member shows their color, and we may find new things to explore, leading with curiosity can provide us the opportunity to practice compersion.
Respecting the autonomy of each person gives the freedom to build relationships without toxic commitment. A key part of compersion is rooted in upholding each individual's autonomy to seek their own happiness. Jealousy, which some have said is the opposite of compersion, is rooted in a perceived ownership or expectation. With chapter 2, each member is seeking individual projects. The members are modeling the relinquishing of owing anything to the BTS name, and are moving forward as autonomous creatives, who are still linked together, who are each chasing their happiness.
Credit: @btsqtsarchive
Even now, the members support each other publicly, and root for each other. That is not to say we know whether they experience jealousy or not, but they are clearly prioritizing happiness at the experiences their fellow members are having. An individual's win, is in some ways their win. Such is compersion, because I love you, when you are happy I am happy too.
As fans, we would do well to dive deeper into compersion as a practice for how to navigate a healthier parasocial relationship with BTS. We do not owe them anything, and they do not owe us anything. Respecting their autonomy as they move into this next phase of their lives means that we can relish in the happiness of what they do and what they chose to share with us. We can practice compersion by being happy that they are chasing their happiness.
Credit: @mahoneysuga
Note: With the caveat that compersion is primarily evaluated in polyamours relationships, if you want to learn more about compersion a great site is whatiscompersion.com which also has a free download to read more about compersion and has a worksheet to evaluate your skillset.